getting rid of the pests..

November was always good.
You had lost your voice. No drama. You just took time to find it all over again. Santa did visit. Like magic, a little early.


You opened your heart in December.
Always good. You sang, you danced, you wrote. A lot of people made home inside your heart. Wonderful.


Along came the pests. Little, crawling, not taking any of your attention. 
It suddenly started feeling like July. 
Rain everywhere. Lots of voices. 
You felt like drowning.


Feeling July-esque in February is not a good thing. You decided.
You are now getting rid of them. Those voices. 
One at a time.
Making sure that fragile voice of yours remains where it belongs.
So that you could bloom again. 


~nightflier

Home

What is home to you?
For me it is a feeling. Of years of wandering around (of course I am not a nomad, even though I talk like one) I have felt home-like at very unrelated places. In reality or in my memory. Hence the feeling is rather difficult to describe. 


Lately, triggered by a discussion with Upasna, I have been thinking about 'this idea of home' in my head more and more. More triggers followed last week.
I happened to watch Disney's* Jungle Book with the 8 year old cousin, where she kept asking me some dialog because the accent was too fast for her. While explaining her stuff, I wondered how Mowgli had it different. He was raised in the Jungle and tried to belong to the elephants, bears, monkeys and vultures. He got really good at being a bear. But everyone wanted him to be more human. To un-belong. To get the jungle out of him. His looked a reverse journey from my perspective. Because I belonged so much at home while growing up that I did not know how to belong outside that comfort zone :D It did take time, but I learnt to claim my nooks and make myself at home, with people and surroundings.
I also watched aai doing her gardening. How she carefully changed the pots for some plants and how soil for some, making sure they felt accustomed. At home. Some people do that to you. They give you a home like feeling. Because of their warmth and care.
[Aai also has this habit of sitting with our shirts/tops and making sure the stitches for buttons are not loose, at night, every time we visit. Otherwise also. I find this very home-like.]


So you must have realized, I visited home last week. My parents stay there. Sounds strange writing it like this. Aai will be annoyed if I tell her how I phrased the sentence. But then I will tell her I have so many homes. Now. Some acquired. Some permanent in my thoughts. And some real spaces. Like the one I am typing in.


-nightflier

* Disney's Jungle book movies are pretty different than our very own hindi cartoons :)

out-ing the day with an 8 month old..

We stopped in front of a kirana store (run by a baniya*, people who have moved from Rajasthan to the Marathi-ness of Pune), and inquired about the Sabudana rate. Why ? Because pregnant friend who is now the mother of a 8 month old Avani, thought all the big shops (the marts and all) were making her pay more. Of course there was a difference. Not drastic, but then we could rationalize the extra charges by the marts for packaging and cleanliness etc. The baby got her first grocery lesson.


We moved on to a bigger 'more now' mall. We roamed around, going crazy over all the cutesy baby stuff (we had a baby with us!!). We felt good about a pair of friends having fun with the baby. At the checkout, when asked to fill in a membership form, I promptly showed them the 'now' (then?) distressed and hungry baby and asked if we could skip. We were allowed to. Saved by a 8 month old!

retro baby!!

During a pit stop we also decided that sometimes not-so-educated people are wiser and simpler. About life. You can call this 'randomness in conversation' among friends.


When the outing was about to end, we bought plants from a nursery. We tried haggling and then bargaining. We sucked. But may be he saw it too and to make us feel good, gave away one tulsi plant for free :D


All this while Avani was fast asleep in her kangaroo bag! And we garnered all the smiles from passing by parents,ladies (not the creepy kind) for her cuteness! 


Day outs are fun. Specially with toddlers :)


-nightflier

*Brother asked the boy (I seriously dont know his name :() from the kirana store about school during a home delivery, and thus we got to know about the Rajasthan connections.

Exit..

One chapter closes

Another opens

A break of sorts in between happens.

You brace the goodbyes

You long for the welcome

A break of sorts in between happens.

You sing a new tune

You lament a few notes

A break of sorts in between happens.

You brave the tears

You crave some smiles

A break of sorts in between happens.

Of known milestones

And unknown destinations

A break of sorts in between happens.

You close a door, to be reopened later

Another door awaits, to be opened sooner

A break of sorts in between happens.

Another job. Another change. I am getting good at this maybe.

Saying byes does not seem burdensome now.

Also, I have sent individual notes/mails to people who were part of life here, which strangely gives a sense of calm.

I feel somehow ready to take another plunge :D Of course after a break ;)

~nightflier

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick..

The first thing that strikes you while reading Emma Donoghue's 'Room' is Jack's innocence, wisdom, and love for his Ma. But would not that be obvious? What else a 5 year old should be full of?

from google images

And that is why I liked 'Room'. Because the unusual situation the child and the parent are in (I am trying really hard to avoid spoilers here), telling the story through Jack's eyes. Of course that way you don't get to understand a lot of whys but it is a pretty unbiased view. In the sense, you do not really think about why the bad stuff happened, or why did the mother do so and not so. To me that was a narrative triumph. 


*spoiler/s ahoy (cant resist myself anymore)*
Also makes me wonder, how would I like to be 'Outside' not knowing there was an 'Outside'. But then I haven't been isolated for more than 7 days (knowing there is an Outside) and I have just discussed with brother how that austrian man should be punished (the story is inspired from that incident) and read about the stockholm syndrome. (talking/knowing about something and actually experiencing are a little tangential things, no?)


Of course, everyone finds closure and deals with the 'Outside' in their own way. Everyone has their own 'Room' too. Its unsettling to be in Jack and Ma's shoes though. Physically.
As Jack would say, I would say everyone feels a little 'scave' (that's scared + brave) all the time.


-nightflier

P.S. As usual while reading the book I had this *thought* that someone should make a hindi movie on the book with Vidya Balan as Ma. 

The how

The whys will always be many, but the *how* is simple and only one.
The journey from a closeted to a non-closeted person started more than 5 years back, with the help of someone.
You know who you are!


This is not a thank you. Merely a record. An act of being sentimental I am not so good at! Or am I ? :)


-nightflier

growing up (with tina fey)

I absolutely love it when people share their growing up stories. Not so much as a medium for an insight into the person who they are now, but just how we all are (can be) bonded by similar stories. It is fun and reflective!


I just finished reading Tina Fey's autobiography Bossypants, which btw Ketaki gifted me (thank you once again :D). I love 30 rock. I love how unconventional it is. I love that it gave me good company over alone meals on so many nights (there goes all genuine praise for 30 rock replaced by my personal motives to bring forth my own story). And I like Tina Fey too. Well not because she is a woman who is a stand up comic. Because she is herself. Mostly. And that's big deal, being yourself and being funny about it.


Its funny, how she described a growing up incident which resonated with me. She was stabbed across the face when she was young (a teenager) and she said in the book that she could tell a whole lot about anyone she met after this incident, depending on the time they took to ask her about the scar.
I have a personal little story. I was really sick when I was 14 and I lost a lot of my scalp hair (it sounds better than I went bald at 14, right ?). And exactly like she said, I could tell a whole lot about a whole bunch of people (whom I met till the time my hair had grown back) depending on when and how they mentioned 'all this about me'. Some people never mentioned anything. For the record.
[update : I am doing very good now. 12 years hence, great scalp hair, no hair loss apart from the routine.]


Its fun to be doted over and being taken care of, especially when you are 14 and not well. But its not at all fun to be center of some pity party. Apart from my family I have very few favorites among the people I have met during that phase. And I am telling you I have a very good memory. Specially of people who were very non-chalant and non-fussy about it.


I do not want to make any point by sharing all this personal stuff. I dont even want to delve into what goes inside people's brains (or whatever's on top of their shoulder). 
I am just saying, there's a whole lot you can tell about someone by the kind of questions they ask or inquiries they make.


I recently read Tanvi's post about WUWT. That also made me think about all the silly comments people *always* make by doing comparisons!


-nightflier


P.S. The book is a nice and light read, in case you were wondering!
P.P.S. I too ask silly questions sometimes. Never mind!
P.P.P.S. This job-transitioning-layover-period sucks! All I am doing these days is read books! In case you were wondering :D
4P.S. Did you notice the (over)use of 'fun' in this post ? :-|