Cliche

Living in a hostel for 4 years among girls from all across the state (country even, but I never ended up mixing with the girls from across India well until the final year. anywho) most of them from Marwari background, where they knew marriage was going to be a huge part of their life once they got out of the place. We spent huge amount of time discussing did we want careers. As in what would being an engineer mean, as we aged, etc etc. 

Not a lot of us wanted to save the world. Some wanted happy families, some money, some independence. I was under the influence of Rand then, humongously, and (as Upasna's growing up curve says) 'wanted to save the world with my objectivity'*. The fact is we all grew up. We remained idealists, wanted to stick to our perceptions of careers, life, and are still doing that, but (I think) we lived a cliche. And we are still trying to live one. Not caring if that's what our scoreboard is.

As you grow up, I think somewhere you lose clarity and objectivity. Of things around, of what you want. It happens with me a lot. Sometimes in succession, sometimes in cycles. Always inspiring (to myself) from where and how I arrive at the clarity. Eventually. But the fact remains it still feels like a cliche.

I know not all of us are supposed to break the barriers and change the world like Steve, DFW did. Nor are we all supposed to find meaning through our work/family/love. Sometimes it may come through most redundant (what we think) sources. But meaning does come. If you keep trying i.e. And I hope we live that one cliche. Of finding meaning.

* I still sometimes slip into that mode.

~nightflier

On rationality

In my books - 
Moving cities, changing places, doing impossible things (of course which others deem impossible from you) for the person, anyone including yourself, you love - VERY RATIONAL.


Doing the same things, because it is expected of you, someone else (society) is telling you so - NOT SO MUCH. (does this make one irrational ?)


Of course there is thin line somewhere above there. 
But if you fit this logic, then you know where you stand in my books.


Ask nevermore.


Now the song playing in loop on my playlist :

Your heart's on the loose
You rolled them seven's with nothing to lose
And this ain't no place for the weary kind

~nightflier


P.S. I seriously hate the spacing of my blog template. Makes even 4 lines look spaced apart by galaxies! Working on the code since morning and no tweaks have worked so far :( so in desperation, the importance of the moment going away fear, have posted. Spaced apart!

out of the comfort zone

Living with brother, the one thing in my life which changed a lot was 'time I spent cooking'. Well in India, getting maids for cooking is handy and reliable too!


So the previous 4 years habit of, when I was living on my own, working, studying and still finding out time to cook and eat healthy food changed gradually. Initially I would insist on making subji or some minor side dish, just out of a compulsion. It did take a really long time and lectures from brother, over 'how I eat really bland (read non spicy) food compared to him'. And then my cooking got reduced to weekends (specially for curries), further ahead only when the maid was on leave.


And its not that I did not like 'not cooking'. In a way I got more free time to do other things, read books, bring work at home (:P), watch tv etc etc.  But I did grab every opportunity to cook that came to me.

cooked italian style and later eaten with
loads of grated cheese!

So this past week and the coming week, the maid's on leave. I have been cooking evening meals since last Saturday. I have made bhindi, methi, palak, dosa, kadhi, khichdi, roti etc etc since then. And I am feeling comfortable in this new schedule. Packed end to end and stretching my daily limits. Looking forward to sweating it out in the kitchen. And I am sure once my mojo is totally back, I will try more fun stuff, the way I had gotten used to, as a student and working girl.  


The only dilemma is saying bye bye to the maid. I mean imagine I telling her, 'you cannot continue work with us because I really like the job you do. Of course having you around is a comfort, because that way I can bring work home, do random things. But miss out on some thing I really enjoy.' I am not sure how she would react to this. Not only this, but firing someone for no mistake of theirs is the second tough job I see here. 


Both tasks out of my comfort zone. And hence strangely attracted to them.


Of course we can get a new maid/ask old maid to come back, if all this extending zones takes a toll. But worth trying, right ?


~nightflier

makes sense ?

severely lame but still copyrighted!

# Humans are inherently not capable of accepting each other, situations they are in etc. They keep on manipulating each other and their realities to fit their own mould. Sometimes I feel pathetic about this. I question everything around. On those days it sucks being human.


# On my journey to office, I had a pretty good idea about what was going to be this point. Now not only have I no clue, but I have entirely forgotten what the point was. I need a thought processor to connect my brain to a machine. This is highly embarrassing.


# As we grow old, more and more stuff happens that tends to shape you in a certain way. (by you I mean thinking). Sometimes I feel grateful that I have a choice to let some things affect me and shape me and let others pass by, while I hang on. Again, not sure if this process which happened in sleep mode when we were young was better. No choice to choose what scars/affects you. Just be yourself.


# Alfred's advice/suggestion to Bruce Wayne, is the sanest and most ignored in any tough/emotionally challenging situation.
'Endure, Master Wayne.'
Stands tall on my list of things to learn and practice, daily.


# I have no issues with the program Satyamev Jayate. I think its a great platform to be heard/to showcase issues and bring the horrors out in our closeted (somewhat?) society. But I genuinely don't like Amir Khan and I can rest the issue of not watching it there. Fair no ?
(I love sarfarosh, andaz apna apna)


# How awesome is the retina display of the new iPad! (got the hint that I finally own it ? nudge nudge, wink wink). In the most terrible display of my linguistic abilities this is what I told two friends about it - 'The retina display kills you and takes you to heaven' Yes. I got polite smiles for saying such a BAD thing.


# May be I have heard all the wrong stories about non-indians' views about India food - like - how spicy it is being the primary reaction. But the other day I saw an american/british guy devouring the chole-roti-chutney-daal-rice-buttermilk thali at a roadside stall. It felt heartening. 


# Shifting rooms in the same house also gives a huge sense of movement. I routinely clean the house (random things like book shelves, tv shelf, wardrobe) to get a feeling of non-routine. I am weird that way. But cleaning the dust off stuff and reclaiming the stuff, is such a superb feeling. Cannot describe anymore.


~nightflier

My SMI

Pre script : SMI = social media intervention. Lame as it may sound.


Henceforth, I am going to curb the urge to google/facebook search/linkedin search anyone I meet online, unless of course, I have to engage with them in some kind of work (work-work, creative collaboration, guidance, etc etc).
I am suffering from googling/linked in-ing any random person , remotely interesting. Yes I am trolling them in my own way. And I don't like it.


Because it leaves so less a chance for serendipity! Imagine meeting/chatting with someone and realizing you have so many friends/experiences in common, unconsciously. And horror of horrors imagine 'knowing' all this and then pretending you did not know anything beforehand, when the serendipitous facts come out tumbling by.
And sometimes I dont even want to know about any common stuff in any way. With some people its just the lesser the better.


Enough said.


~nightflier

Gulmohar

As we left the Bangalore railway station and hopped on the bus to mysore, my eyes started searching for something familiar. Not until we came outside the city and had crossed the famous 'ramgarh of sholay' did happen the first sighting. Of a full blossomed Gulmohar.

Territories were no longer marked. I felt at ease. Then the banter and chatting with friends. And a 6 month long training. Then home coming.

Everyday en route office, I am right (like a birth right one may say) fully engrossed in a book. On a rare occasion I was shutting close the bus window when I spotted them in a row. At that moment I felt, nothing could make me happier.

kirnon ka sona,
os ke moti,
motiyon sa mogra
tera bichauna, 
bhar bhar ke daroon,
gulmohar ka tokra
aur jo bhi chaho,
maango ji maango,
bolo ji, meri maina
( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YIYR4QEd6s4 - gulzar's lyrics!)

Right now I am searching for a way to bring the perfect orange hues home. Got any clue ? :)

from google
waited 2 days to click a shot myself, can wait no more..

~nightflier

P.S. Gulmohar is my favoretest (or most favorite - much to the chagrin of my english teacher) flowering tree.

IF...

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!


-Rudyard Kipling

Found it in a pile of stuff.

~nightflier